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Lance the Genie
Category:Protagonists "I was busy visting my cousin Eeyore. We had a good time being miserable together." Lance the Genie is a protagonist from the Stuff Store. He is a genie trapped inside a lamp that grants three wishes. Sam and Austin discovered his lamp while they were trekking through the sandstorm-ridden wastelands of Tempe, Arizona - Austin wound up using his wish to create antagonist Futashy, who wound up stealing Lance for herself. After Futashy's defeat, Lance was freed by Scruffy (who managed to make a wish despite being a dog), but found that he didn't know what to do with himself, so he opted to travel around the world and give wishes to others even though he wasn't required to; occasionally, he would help Austin out. Personality "Yes, yes, I'm fine. Not that it matters. It makes no difference to me. I suppose you want some wishes? I'd rather not, but I don't really care. After having to deal with the whims of a cotton candy sociopath, tending to the needs of a high-strung Asian kid sounds like a walk in the park." - Lance, cerca 2014 Lance is an all-powerful genie with phenomenal cosmic power, trapped inside an itty-bitty living space. Spending so many years serving a variety idiotic masters has left him in a comically downbeat, bitter, "emo" mood - the brunt of his dialogue consists of groaning, moaning, and complaining. When Austin and Sam find him and release him from his lamp, his first instinct is to say: "I would ask you to free me, but it doesn't really matter. My life will suck anyway. So, what would you like? Money, kush, or bitches?" One of his creations, Futashy, snatches his lamp from Austin and begins abusing the three wish loophole, finding ways to get multiple wishes by cleverly wording her requests. Lance describes his time with Futashy as being akin to "a weekend in Disney World - too much screaming, too much trampling - all in all, a complete sausagefest... in more ways than one". After years of subservience, Lance craves independence. Upon being freed from his lamp, however, Lance is very confused, because he isn't sure what to do with himself. After being told to see the world as it was meant to be seen by Sam, he decides to travel across the world and do what he does best - make people's wishes come true, even if he isn't required by the cosmos to do that anymore. Thus, it completes his character arc. Even after being freed from his lamp, he continues to be subservient, but only because he wants to. Though Lance is usually very lazy, fearful, and uncaring, he has shown himself to be surprisingly adept at combat, magic, and kicking ass in general, even after having a good chunk of his power depleted after being freed from the lamp. He is more than capable of conquering the planet - he'd just rather not. It is too much work, in his words. When he actually has to, however, he shows everyone why he's considered the greatest of all Genies. Trivia * Lance is apparently related to Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, Sadness from Inside Out, and Milo from The Phantom Tollbooth. An entire family of sour good guys. * There are an entire network of genies across in the world, whom Lance sometimes contacts. * After being freed from his lamp, Lance made a creed: "No more futas." It is the only caveat he has when it comes to granting wishes.